Monday, July 13, 2015

My views on Adoption Vs. Abortion.

The next person who encourages someone to "just choose adoption" over abortion may just get kicked in the shin. 

Well.... I won't actually kick anyone, but I may give you an earful. 

Adoption is NOT an alternative to abortion. It just isn't. In no way, shape, or form is one an alternative to the other. How is this? Well, abortion is an alternative to pregnancy and adoption is an alternative to parenting. These are TWO different choices that have to be made when faced with a pregnancy. Plain and simple (as plain and simple as this subject can be). You have to decide to either terminate the pregnancy or to continue being pregnant before you do anything else. You can't terminate and choose adoption or parenting. It just doesn't work.

Why am I choosing to write on this topic? It is something I feel strongly about. When I see people outside of Planned Parenthood protesting, it makes my blood boil. Every time I hear someone say "Just give the baby up for adoption!" or "I'll take your baby, give it to me!", the emotions flood through me so fast that it renders me speechless. How dare you? How dare you stand there and judge someone like that? First off, that woman may not even be going into Planned Parenthood for an abortion. They may just be getting a health check up. They offer cheap medical care to women who need it and it's an amazing service.

 Second, who are you to offer her the life of being a birth mother? Are you going to be there for her during her pregnancy? Hold her hand as she grows attached to this child? Be there in the delivery room as she gives everything to bring a life into this world? Are you going to pick her up off the floor when she's sobbing during placement day? What about after? When the anxiety hits or the depression. Are you going to pay for the therapy that she needs, make sure that she's taking care of herself? My guess is no, you aren't. Instead you are going to stand there and try to make her feel terrible about her life and her decision. 

What if medically she can't have this child? What if she will die during childbirth? "Oh that's so rare, you can't use that excuse."  I have a very close friend who can't handle being pregnant. It literally turns her body into a war zone and starts fighting itself. What about those women who are raped? "That's rare too, everyone always tries to use that excuse!" Nope. Not rare. Did you know that at least ONE in FOUR women are raped in this country? One in four. That is 25%, and it is probably even more than that.

Adoption isn't easy. It is never "Just" anything. It is the single hardest thing that I've ever done. I don't regret carrying my pregnancy to term and choosing adoption, but it was MY choice. It was my choice to make and that is why I can have some peace about it. I've seen what happens when a woman is coerced into adoption instead of abortion and she is devastated. She did not make this choice on her own and now she gets to live with the choices that someone else made for her.  Are you going to take responsibility for that? For causing someone else to suffer deep anxiety and depression? Are you going to help her pick up the broken pieces? Oh, you aren't? Well then you should probably stop telling women to "just choose adoption".

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