Well, I had to take a bit of a break. I wasn't sure where I was going with the blog, or with my life in general. I'm still not sure, but I've missed blogging and connecting with others so I'm back. For now I've taken down my past posts, and I'll be going thorough them and re-posting some. If you had a post that you really loved, please send me a message through the contact form and I'll do my best to republish it for you.
Adoption is HARD. It's harder than I ever imagined. I feel like I've been hit by a bus full of reality and am still struggling to get up. Before I had my child, I thought that I was going to place him, grieve, and continue living life. I tried to do that. I tried to keep myself overly busy, I even left the country. My mom has always told me that you can run as far as you want to, but you always take yourself with you. Boy was she right. I ended up stripping off all of the comforts and distractions of home, and was left with a broken spirit and a constant ache in my soul. I had no idea what real grief was like until I placed my son. I had no idea how confusing and heartbreaking it would be.
I have found an amazing community of people to surround myself with. I have been quick to cut off those people who aren't healthy to be around, and what a freeing feeling that is. I have been letting myself grieve and heal, and sometimes that looks like watching pointless Netflix in bed all day. (Adoption in TV will be a post in itself.) It looks like being gentle on myself and realizing that it's okay if I'm not okay. It's taking small steps like making sure I'm eating more than once a day, and throwing some veggies in my diet. It involves getting my hair done and making sure that I do things that I like to do.
Most importantly, it is realizing how important I am. How important my mental health is. It is telling myself that I am worthy of my own love and forgiveness.
So, I'm back. Let's try and get through this crazy world of adoption together <3