Monday, March 14, 2016

Does Adoption Equal Love?

These are the pictures that pop up on Pinterest as soon as you type in "Adoption, Birthmother". They all tell you that in order to prove your love to your child, you have to give them a life without you. A woman considering adoption is told that she isn't good enough, she isn't doing the "right" thing if she parents. Adoption is portrayed as the "selfless" decision, which makes parenting then become the "selfish" decision. Adoption is the only scenario I know of where proving your love means taking yourself out of the equation. 

The other side to this is that adoptees are told that their mother chose adoption for them because she loved them so much. Their first example of love is shown through abandonment. The child goes from a familiar voice and smell, into a strangers arm's. There are studies that show what happens when a child is separated from their mother at birth, and it is damaging to the brain chemistry. Many of them grow up with feelings of rejection and being unworthy of love. 

So, was choosing adoption for my son a statement of love? I thought so at the time. My self confidence was so low that I felt he would truly be better with someone that wasn't me. I thought I wouldn't be a good mom, that I couldn't give him everything he deserved. That feeling was made worse when I started looking into adoption and saw what everyone else could give him. I see now that it was misguided, and I feel like I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to him. I will always try to prove that he is loved and wanted by me, and the rest of his biological family.  

So, if you're an expectant parent considering adoption and you're reading this, please know that maybe you are enough. Reach out, there are resources out there to help empower you to parent your child. Send me an email through the contact form and I will get you connected. 

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