Monday, August 29, 2016

Terrible Adoption Profiles on Facebook

Oh, Facebook. The land of cat videos, cute toddlers doing funny things, and terrible adoptive parent profiles. I went over why you shouldn't post about your match on social media a few months ago, and now I thought we'd talk about adoptive parent profiles in general.

Here's a perfect example of why you shouldn't post about your adoption journey to the public at large. Since the creators of this page decided to block the group of birth mothers who were helping educate, I figured I'd move our points to a bigger platform.  

- When you post so in depth about your journey to adoption (and the heartbreak that you went through to get there), it takes away from the other narratives. The ones that aren't so "feel good".  People aren't going to be interested in reading about the damage adoption can do if there is a "fairytale" adoption story out there. One where an adoptive parent's life and heart has been completed by adoption.  That's not the story we need to talk about. Those stories aren't going to help anyone. Adoptive parents who really care about adoption and adoptees should provide a platform for adoptees and first parents to speak, not take up space with their rainbow and unicorn illusion of adoption. 

- When you talk about God's will and adoption, you are discounting the grief and loss that first parents and adoptees have gone through. Would you, as an adoptive parent, like it if someone told you that your infertility was God's plan? What if on the other ends, someone told you that you were just a womb meant to provide a child to people who happened to have more money than you do? What if you were told that you were supposed to be separated from your mother so someone else could be a parent? That you were interchangeable? Oh, you wouldn't like it? Stop. Saying. It. 

- The children in the example above have lost all of their privacy. Their journeys and pictures are out there FOREVER. This is the internet people. The child who has previously been adopted, and the child who may be adopted if these "parents" have their way, are going to find out that their mother wanted to parent them and their adoptive "parents" wouldn't let them. Everyone in their inner circle and in the adoption community knows their stories. They know about their birth mother. They know details (as shown in the comments) that NO ONE should know. What a disgusting breach of privacy for these beautiful girls and their natural family. It makes my heart ache. 

- Covering your ears and refusing to listen to those who are experts in the trauma of adoption is not going to help your child. It just isn't. An adoptive parent once told me that she sees her child in every adult adoptee that she talks to. It helps her listen to what they are saying and really take it in. You need to take your emotions and put them aside, or you are going to hurt your child. You need to be open to the discomfort of listening and learning now, or you and your child are both going to pay for it later.